Part the waters
During my reflections I came across the historical figure of Moses, whom you'll surely remember for the famous miracle of the Red Sea during the flight of the people of Israel from Egypt, or for the tablets of the 10 commandments. Well! While reading about his life, I realised that from his birth he was protected by God, and despite his many failures, the purpose of his life did not change.
Has it ever happened to you that after a mistake, even a repeated one, you felt OUTSIDE "God's sight"? Well! It's guilt that does this kind of work, to drive you away from seeking His forgiveness and His help for you, making you say that you can't be the person He expects!
I've thought this many times too, but God doesn't expect our perfection; He knows that failing is part of our humanity.
Going back to Moses...
Did you know that during his life Moses committed a murder? And yet God's purpose for him stayed the same (I'm not encouraging you to commit murder with this).
Exodus 2:11-12
One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labour. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people! Looking this way and that and seeing no one, he KILLED the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.
Did you know that after freeing the people of Israel, and after receiving from God the STONE TABLETS with the 10 commandments, Moses smashed them BECAUSE HE WAS ANGRY at the behaviour of the people of Israel, who had given themselves to IDOLATRY by making a golden calf while he was away on the mountain? And yet this time too God's purpose for his life did not change.
When the Lord finished speaking to Moses on Mount Sinai, he gave him the two tablets of the covenant law, the tablets of stone inscribed by the finger of God.
Exodus 31:18
When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. And he took the calf the people had made and burned it in the fire; then he ground it to powder...
Exodus 32:19-20
The Lord said to Moses, "Chisel out two stone tablets like the first ones, and I will write on them the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. Be ready in the morning, and then come up on Mount Sinai. Present yourself to me there on top of the mountain..... So Moses chiselled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the Lord had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. Exodus 34:1-4
A gut-instinct man
Maybe some aspects of this figure had escaped you; maybe you too, like me, expected a completely meek and peaceful man rather than a "gut-instinct" man. I believe Moses LEARNED TO BECOME meek through experience: the impulsiveness that characterised him was smoothed away through the situations he had to face over the years.
I'm telling you this to help you understand that God doesn't regret creating you; that despite your "UGLY SIDES" He has a purpose for your life. You have a purpose on earth and despite your flaws you'll keep having it; maybe you don't know it, maybe you have to discover it, maybe you know it but don't really believe it, maybe you think the purpose is to shut yourself away in a church made of walls, maybe you think you'll have to spend time saying the rosary or other repeated prayers to reach it, or who knows what else.
These are all prejudiced thoughts, limited to a MEAGRE CONCEPT OF GOD. DO YOU THINK GOD CREATED SUCH A VAST WORLD, RICH IN COLOURS, VIEWS, FLORA, FAUNA AND MORE, BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SHUT YOU AWAY IN A CONTEXT MADE OF LOOPS?
GOD LIKES TO IMPROVISE, He never does things the same way; your fingerprint says it all, remember!
Moses' heart was turned upwards, in him God's justice beat strongly, and he also learned from his mistakes to bring it about in his life in the RIGHTway.
God has everything under control; He knows who you are, He knows your thoughts, your actions and motives. You don't need to feel handsome and good before Him; you only need to admit that you are a loser and that, thanks to His help, you'll be able to improve and, like Moses, fulfil God's Purpose on this earth. What are you waiting for?